Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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