you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
