The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
