I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize