i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
