Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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