My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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