u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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