I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize