Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
