She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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