I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize