she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
