he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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