god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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