she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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