i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
