i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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