So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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