I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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