lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
