My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
