I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
