Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
