i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
