Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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