Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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