I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize