I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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