508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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