you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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