I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As shirtless as possible
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize