I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
