remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
