; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
