Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
