I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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