do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
