he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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