doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
