I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
