im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
