We're facebook friends in real life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
