Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize