I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's great music for shaving your balls
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
