I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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