but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
