Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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