Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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