Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
