Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
