After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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