New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
