shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
