In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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