Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize