I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
