My friends, they love my intelligence
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
