After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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