i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
