the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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