NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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