Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
