But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
