Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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