Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The uberlube is also flammable
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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