I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
