She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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