Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
