Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
