just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
