I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
